Cycle News is a weekly magazine that covers all aspects of motorcycling including Supercross, Motocross and MotoGP as well as new motorcycles
Issue link: https://magazine.cyclenews.com/i/125797
By Jerry Box every spy in the world would Bive his cyanide tablet for. • -" -, Second gear. The Mongrel's running alongside with his tongue hanging over 'INTRODUCTION - You're flying along on your Fu Man Charger, its IOOcc engine beating a happy beat against your butt and the sweet wind dragging the tears from your eyes when out from behind a '57 Chevy jumps the King Kong German Shepherd of all time: fangs pumping like a berserk jackhammer, eyes riveted on your anatomy like an overeager pre-med studen t, a creature as big as the very bike upon which you sit. And so, you discover one of the very best reasons you'll ever have for selling your bike ...as you en ter the Canine Gauntlet. 'Th e Cyclist and Man's Best Friend THE MONGREL DOG: Mongrel dogs figh t dirty and know how to cheat. First, you must realize th at th ey come by their underhandedness honestly since they are direct descendants of that rare breed, the Traveling Salesman{Fence Climber. Thus, they are as cunning as a cornered "Dead End Kid" and built with the kind of speed that would make Bob Hayes break down and cry. A built-in Love-Hat complex for bikes completes the makeup of the mongrel dog. Let us now look at a setup that would make James Bond whimper with envy: You're on an errand. You've got three steaks and a quart of milk on the back of your Suzuki and you're on the kind of street where even the Mafia wouldn't stop for an In-and-Out Pizza. The only time the cops stop there is when they have a flat tire or have to pick up a bribe. You slow down to watch three kids play "Ride-a-Wino" and all of a sudden you realize that you're already too close to the canine-drencbed fire hydrant that is, in reality, the Mongrel Dog's cleverly disguised sigh ting device and starting block. You're beat. It's his foothall, on his grounds and you just passed his hydrant. The one right next to the stop sign you just observed. By the time you get into first gear, he has your one-way ticket already planned and you're the punchee. The race{slaughter is now on. You pull away as the Mongrel shows you the bland face through the neighborhood. THE GERMAN SHEPHERD: If you were to design a canine for the express purpose of ripping a cyclist's pants, you would end up with the • usqva....a , Klocker's SALES & SERVICE s-hines Suddenlv S W. sell &t.~~DA~1) M~to~"'"! Slmlchrome Is a honJ'y QuiCk as a bunny ~Ieans COMPETIT ION'Can $3.45 Tube $1 CHEMICALS 6624 Atlantic, Bell, Ca. 713 Estes Stre,et Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126 (213) 581-3983 . ~ German Shepherd. There you are on your little IOOcc "wheezer", clawing your way up a 20 degree incline and-Oh God!-you spot it. (It really is easy to spot because it usually has a Honda 100 dangling from its mouth.) In one block this cycle chewer can make you feel like an overused IBM card. And now he's decided that you're the best thing since Doggy Yum·Yums. Before this is over, you're going to have to tell your Blue Cross agent you tried to make love to a meat tenderizer or your cycle insurance premium is going to read like a War Debt. The hunting ground of the German Shepherd consists of any place that will give him a running start of at least 100 yards. His hiding out places consist of old garbage trucks abandoned in fear or deserted mail trucks with their front tires gnawed off. You just had to try that hill on your "Wheezer" and he just yelled "Soup's on!" In first gear, he's got you read like a butcher's meat chart. By second gear, he's cleaned his ·teeth with your toes and by th4'd gear, he's usually managed to find either that old football injury or where you landed during your last motocross. You fmally get into fourth gear at about Albuquerue and the shepherd's running backwards in front of you and you -realize that you should have bough t the 750 instead of the 100 and you remember that you're four quarts low at the Blood Bank. By now be's in overdrive (Shepherds are known as the "Craig Breedlove" of Dogdom.) and you look down to find steak sauce drenching your thigh. You now have few options left for warding off this four-legged meat grinder. You can learn to say "Heel!!" in German ("Achtung!!" rarely works); throw him a lame cat; or pray for a car passing very close in the opposite diredion. If none of these work, get yourself a bullet to bite on, pull your bloody stumps up on top of your gas tank and vow to carry a ball-peen hammer at all times. . ..•..•.•...............•...•.......... - ~~~_ttt IBas~9!3~1 ~~:~, AMERICAN 1117 Fountain Way. Anaheim, Cal. 9280 .•....•.........•••••..•..•.....•..•• HAT'S WINNING lHESE DAYS IN TT SCRAMBLES .... ... Fremont, Calif. 1032 IN, BROOKS ST.· ONTARIO.CA 91762· 714 983-5871 ~ORSTEN HALLMAN.;~~J RACING INC. ::y:\-' U.S. Dist. for TrelldJorg Motocross tires Torsten' Hallman special design leathers & racing equipment. (714) 460-6234 (714) 460·1402 July 28, 1972 125 Expert 1st Rick Wall 125 Novice 1st Hugh O'Neill 175 Novice 1st Dave Murrell 200 Novice 1st Mike Marenghi 2nd Gary Holder 3rd Chuck Myers 200 Junior 1st Andy Ahl9ren 2nd Fred Poli 250 Junior lst Andy Ahlgren 250 Expert 1st Duane Spence 2nd Rocky Malyn n 500 Junior For dealer info. write or call: 5345 Timken St., La Mesa, Cal. 92041. 1st Frank Mendoza 2nd Dave Souza tJ