Cycle News - Archive Issues - 1970's

N '" " '" '" Q. ,... "" '" ",,' Ii « ~ w z W ...J o >o Since th is is Aprils Fools Issue we just 'thought we might give you a look at all us year around foo ls: It probably won't humor anyon e but us, so tough. by No-rna de Plume I fear that the impressions that people gain of editors of publications are rather bizarre. There seem to be three prevalent images. The first is the non-profile image, where the editor could be replaced by a computer, and the image would not be disturbed. The second is the high profile image, where the editor is a glorious, handsome, gifted super-star, and thethird image is that the editor is some ki nd of incompetent idiot. Of course the correct answer is (d). That being "All of the above," "N one of the abo ve," and "Some of the above." In any event, we are mostly ' h uman , and, hopefully, describing to you a day in our lives might be both humorous and infonnative . The day begins for the Cycle News Editorial Triumvarate, when at around seven in the morning, we wander out of our various beds, in various dwellings in various parts of Ve nice, California. · Some wander out alone; some don't. All might wish for the latter. After a co llective six cups of coffee, Instant Breakfast, a coke and a dish of coffee ice cream, some wheat germ, and a beef burrito, we are as ready as we might ever be to journey South , down the scenic San Diego Freeway, to beautiful oil-well-ridden, smog-infested Long Beach. That journey is probably the most trying part of our day, but probably is not as trying as spending the night in Long Beach wo uld be, Some of the vehicles u pon which or inside of which we make our daily trek are: 1959 Black VW sedans with sunroofs (Yes, plural!), a 1968 Dodge Van (with a blinking oil pressure light). a 1970 Ford Van (which always has bald tires, but never runs) a 1957 Ford panel truck (t hat always works) a ratty old Kawasaki 500 (that always works when anyone except the Editor rides it) , a Suzuki 200 (that never has worked), a Honda 160 (that always worked for me). and any test bike with lights over 125cc that we can get our grubby little paws upon. All these things (food and vehicles) try to contribute to make the trip to Long Beach bearable. But they don't...Driving from Venice to Long Beach on the San Diego Freeway at 8 :30 in the morning is an experience rivaled by bringing h o me the POWs, kick-starting a Harley Chopper, running for President of the USA, finishing a family enduro, or waiting in line at the Induction Center. Understandably, by the time .we reach Long Beach, we are b urned out. . Sometime between 9:00 and 9:30 we make the horrendous climb over Signal Hill and descend upon our "white castle." We are generally greeted by the General Manager, who for our purposes, will be named Tom . On Mondays, Wednesdays , and Fridays he says, "Glad you could come." And on Tuesdays and Thursdays he says, "Good afternoon." Both comments are generally appropriate. As we enter the front door our shoulders 'slu m p , our eyes become like pin holes, and our hands begin to perspire. We know what we forgot: We forgot to p unch out the night before. We don't really have cards we stick in machines or anything quite that corny, just this board with push pins, to be gruesomely inserted next to either "IN" "OUT" or "BACK AT Sin~e we lik e' to be "in" always, that's where we leave our pins. This does not generally meet with the approval of the authorities, b ut it does c on fuse the desk tootsie (re ceptionist) so m uch that sometimes she thinks we're n o t he re when we are. From the foyer we travel · back through a narrow hall, turn to the right, and head for our office. That is, we would head for our office if the perilous journey weren't always interrupted. Before reaching the Hall of the Coffee, a cry rings out - "John, Joe Shlubodney on LA two." ("LA two" means the second LA exchange phone number.) That is the cue for John to say, .. Anybody ever heard of Joe Shlubodney?" We return, "Nope, never heard of him. Oh wait, maybe that's...No, that's not it." So, the Managing Editor disappears to talk- on the phone . When shall we see him agai n? Meanwhile, another editor is wa ndering around saying, "Here coffee cup, here, here , nice coffee cup." A few whistles are heard as he wa nders off down the hallway. "Are you in the Production room, coffee cup?" he moans. HI know you're around here so mewhere. Oww-w-w, frammis Exacto knife !" The third of o ur three has wandered off t oward the fron t of the building accomplishing th e co m m on aim in a different wa y. In case you are wondering, the co mm o n aim is to avoid being tracked down by the telephone lady and being forced to answer the phone . Sooner o r later we all make our way into our office . We like to call it that as it makes us feel important. It's actually a room about 16 x 12 feet. It has two doors and a large bay window affording a scenic view of greater Signal Hill for OUT greater inspiration. There are, in fact , three desks and some actual walking space between them. On the walls are a 'n um ber o f p osters and pictures. There are three Steve French 14 x 18 prints, which remind us why we a r e here, a Harley-Davidson/Mark Brelsford poster, which reminds us that motorcycling is human, and a Boge Shock Girl, which reminds us of what everything is all about. Soon after we reach our seats, the newsreel is over and the feature begins. Those dreaded telephones being to vibrate, then shake, and .fin ally bounce wildly as the y begin to ring. The Ca lendar Editor makes a valiant spring for his phone, but-its too late, the Editor got it . HHi yah , baby. watcha' doin'," he says. Hm-rn-m, LB three ? M-m-m, okay. Dave, LA th ree, he says . . "No more frammis , blankety, di ngus telephones , bah-humbug," The Ass. Ed. ' rep lies. "Oh we ll, somofa...Th is is Dave .. .Yeah? Now, what event is it? Huh, the Desert Destroyers MC an d it's a Hare Scrambles? Okay, calm down . Now, what's wrong? You're giving one-third trophies and not 33%? Oh , and its on the' wrong day , and its in Lancaster, not Phoenix. Well, I mean we all make mistakes and well, you don't have to lose your temper. Don't call me an idiot, you lo usy rotten... click. There, that'll teach 'em. No mo re telephone; no more good guy." As this is going on , the p hone rin gs again. The Editor nails it again . "Edithiter speaking. Hot dog! Hi, Skip! What, ride a Skibodgey 3,OOO? Wow, that would be really neat. O h, any time's good for me . How about right now? Oh, next month? Well, that still so unds really neat. "Oh Skip, remember whe n you said so mething about parts? Yeah, well , I blew the cranks on all my bikes th is weekend. Yeah, well it wasn't too bad, I won anyway. Oh yeah, well, I guess I di d b low them all last weekend, too. You know, if you don't b low u p so metimes you aren't going Tast enough, right?" "Hey J o h n , who was Joe Shlubodney?" floats out across the room. . "It Was actually .h is wife," John replies. "She was ticked off because we mispelled her son's name in that Podunk MX thing." "What was his name ?" "Oh, I don't know, so mething with about seventeen le tte rs." The door opens and in walks the advertising manager. Weal! know what's comi n g and a chorus of "No way?" rings out: "Is it five o 'clock yet guys? " he asks. There . is no reply. "Well guys, I need MOST CHAMPIONS .DEPEND ON 'THE MATCHED SET' . . ••• $0 CAN YOUI LPS #1 For Motocross and Endu ro... orjust street riding. . . this new performance-rated greaseless protector has to be used to be believed. Dries out ignitions.. , protectsthe entire electrical system. , , protects the cable mechanism. . . keeps chrome sharp.:. even protects your vinyl. Fantastic? You said it! LPS # 3 There has never been an all-weather chain lubricant and rust inhibitor like this. Its complex formula will protect you r chains whether the course is wet or"dry, hot or cool, smooth or rough. And it won't sling off. No wo nder it's the West's hottest seller. ' Write fo r free co py of Mike Ca palite's test report on LPS #1 in " C de Guid e." Write fo r free copy of Kend ick Performance Product's eva luation of LPS # 3. If LPS is not yet availa ble throu gh your dealer, write: LPS RESEARCH LABO RATORIES, INC. 2050 Cotne r Avenue, Los Angeles , Calif 90025 • (213) 478-0095 All IT TAKES to beg in YO UR ad verti sing campa ign ,IS APHONE CALL t o the advertising department at cy cle news (213) 421-1433 and our courteous staff will help you put it t ogether DO ·ITTODAY!! SUZUKI Parts & acce ssories Se nd $ 1.00 fo r ca ta log OCE LO T E NG INEERI NG 1631 La Cadera C N R ivers ide , Ca lif. 9250 1 .. __.(! Hl!i ~2 ·.78 8 0 , . ' " .

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