Cycle News - Archive Issues - 1970's

or One-hundred and None Ways to Maintain Sanity A s [ ound o n th e sidewalk just outside th e Bellevu e Men tal Ins t it u t e. in th e fo rm of a paper airplane. by Mik e Ph illip s T he simp le task of be in g a spectator at a m o to cr o ss is becom ing in creasingly di fficul t. I kno w. l ' ve tr ie d . I w ri te this in an a tte m p t to fo re warn those wh o p lan to m ak e a vain effort t o enjoy th ese races frequently . I k now this to b e a n imp os sibl e task, an d even fatal en d eavo r. \ A t any rate. wh at yo u are a bou t to read , I h o p e , is an acco unt. fro m m y experie nce . o f the trials an d tri bulations of an y su ch specta tor as h e fig hts h is Zo o o o o om! sp lash . drop. & %*+!t! . Cau gh t off guard a t a wea ker m omen t b y o ne of the littl e d e vils on th e minis. Drop p ed yo ur feed. Wo nde r wh at the sentence is fo r the mu rd e r o f a ten year-old ? Could claim insanity.. . [Note: Ge nt le b u zzin gs p reviously res o lved to be aware an d ca u tio us of a re le ss noticeable whe n in the tr an ce of o ne su ch lo o ts ic .) Oh we ll. need to lose a li ttle wei gh t anyway. Onward to watch th e races. You se t tle yo urse lf o n Spec tat o r Hill wit h vision s or an 'h o u r or so o f mo tocro ss spec tac u la r. This th en , is th e time a t wh ich yo u meet ano the r obs tacle in yo u r q uest t o e njoy you rse lf. T he amat eur anno unce r. T hese guys are reall y n ea t . I mean. th ey a re a b reed p eople in th e an no uncing sta n d .) " Say . what was the name of th is pl a ce again ? .. o h , u h, A ra b ian Goons Cycle -Park , and it 's a great day for the races", (It's rain ing with a 20 MPH wind. ) "Right now on the lin e arc-the 100 J un iors .I th ink ... Or is it the Open Experts? Oh we ll. whatever...an d th is is your o le' p al an d to p announce r... .. (A gain he co n su lts the o ther p eop le in th e booth .) "Say. wh at w a s m y n am e aga in ? ..Oh well. wha te ver .v .." T he secon d . an d m o st : an n o y in g, is th e true amateur. th e guy wh o le ts h is ego run wild at th e expense of hi s listen in g a u d ie n ce 's sani ty. His T.O. is like so : .. ... a n d as t h ey go into th e first turn it 's Fred G rassy with a big lead As y o u can see, th is is enoug h to in duce sickness in the h ealth iest of persons . T here arc. of co urse . the li ttle things that make one want to ki H. I re member one parti cular announ cer who. (remember this is a super-small time track) k ept aski n g if Brad Lac ke y would please report to the an nouncing to wer. and had th e e n tire population of th e trac k ru n n in g aro und trying to sp ot th e le gen d ary r id er, w h o, of co u rse , was n ev e r th er e . Bu t. b ac k t o o ur typic al spec ta tor. De ciding to m ov e o ut of e a r ran ge , you sa u n te r o ver to a secl uded spo t so me w here near th e bac kside of t he track. Finding a co m fo r t ab le place . you se ttle you rse lf o n ce aga in, and proceed to watch the mo tos. M '"" " ' '" .... '" ;!? "- ...: N .0 . 0> u.. ~ w Z w ..J U >- U A Motocross Spectator's Guide to Happiness way th rough the wi lds o f an imaginary, but n o less typical , m o to cr oss park. As you ente r the trac k (providing y o u a re fin an ciall y equi p p ed to pa y the mo numen ta l fees enco un te red, or a re ade p t a t suc h in fam o us techniques as u na u tho r ize d p a s s a g e. i.e . , "sn eaking-u n de r-the -fence") ' y o u will noti ce a sligh t pain in yo ur ears. Th is is caused b y ext re mely loud u ns ilen ced pain -in-the- head p it race rs. This pain subsides o n ce you become d ea f. In sid e . yo u fa ll in to an aura of to tal c hao s. Cont ributed to m ainl y by ove rn ight ca mpe rs injecting coffee into their veins wh ile struggling w ith too m u ch stoma ch and too li ttle leathe rs. As you stroll t hrough th e p it area. d rooling over the ab undance of "real" bikes. that is. th ose of th e sa me ilk tha t Ake and Co . e mploy. yo u d e tec t a ge ntle buzzin g stead ily growing b ehind yo u. Gl an cin g b ack . y o u a re fa ce d by a p ac k of kam ik a ze-like kiddie s zoomi ng t h ro ugh th e p its mounted o n b uz zin g mini s. Jumpi n g as id e, so as to avoid possib le d ama ge upon yo ur bod by these kill e rs. yo u realize that you h ave had y our first co n fron ta tio n with th e an im a l Yamm is Pain in b u t tis, o r , in less sci entific jargon . the punk k id Jet lo os e on the population of the tra ck 'wi th a w eapon of uni maginable p otential danger. i.e .• th e prove rbial mini-b ike . Picking y o u rse lf up . you reso lve to rema in alert to a ll su ch gentle (see m in gly . th a t is) b uzzmgs in ' th e fu tu re . A q ui c k lo o k a t th e ole wa tch an d a m ore ac c urate gro wl fro m th e ole sto mach te ll you it 's tim e fo r b reak fast. Y ou make you r w ay to th e co nce ssio n stan d an d p ro c eed to wa il at th e end of a slo w. 10nR line . Wai t . wai t . wait. At length you fin d yourself fa cin g the smilin g c o nces sio n stand girl. "What will y ou have ?" "A coffee and two ' d oughnuts. please ... Asso rted mumbo-jurnbo and. beh old. a co ffee and two doughnuts within yo ur grasp . "That 'll b e e ighty-se ven ce n ts," Reaching in to yo ur p o c ke t . y ou find yo u h av e an overab u n dance o f- th e wrong change . A fu ll scale d ragn e t of yo ur pock et fo llo ws . with n o result s. Y o u k now i t's in th ere . Search , se arch . About th is ti m e , you begin t o n o tice th at th e gu y b ehind y o u. wh o so mewhat rese m bl es a cross b etween J o cko the S m o k i n g Monke y an d a h u n gry Nean d e r th al , is voicing a very u gly gro wl, see mi ngly d irec ted at yo u. T his lo o ks like a job fo r super chicken. "U h .. .I guess I d o n' t h ave it." With th is act o f cowardice . but m o reso inte llige n ce . yo u ret urn t o t he e n d of the lin e a nd repea t yo ur p rio r wait. Finally. you e merge with your b elo ved a n d h ard-earned m eal. Ah , a t last . At that m omen t . yo ur eyes pic k o ut and fo c us o n a p art icularly bra -le ss an d d efin it el y in teres ting pit t o o tsie , D ro ol. D ro o l. Lust. L ust. Gee-whiz -golly -jeewi llicke rs this is a nice sp o t . y o u think. No people . nic e view of an off-camber jum p . R ea lly nice. Won de r w h y nobody else took it ? O h , well . wh o ca re s. A hhhh, p eace at last . At exact ly th is m omen t (peaceful as it ma y seem) you find yoursel f vie win g the un d ersid e of a - despite claims made b y m a n u fa c t u rers - ver-y he avy Husk y abou t t o use your personage for traction. S o that's w h y nobody t ook this sp ot. A few broken ribs a nd a permanent imprin t o f a Trellcborg knobby d on't fee l so b ad as you rid e to the hospital in th e back. o f th e ambulan ce. and you smile foolishl y. For you kn o w you've re ally taken the easy out. as there is always a bi g traffic jam after th e races. And so e n d s m y warning to p o ten tia l s pe cta tors. Believe rn e , I know. m ot o cro ss i:a n dri ve yo u ... w hoops , I mu st co n cl ud e quickly no w. those fu nn y m en a rc com ing to slid e my foo d under t he d oor, and I'm not a llowed sharp instruments lik e a p en . I think this time I' ll make a paper airplane o u t of it and throw it out (h e window, the last o ne didn't tast e t o o good and I burped all ni ght, H tust r etto n b y J o hn Huet ter , ',amekit, I ·v a ma ha . Su ZUk Hodaka. Husk v .i. & Ho n da 58.95-S24 .9 5 197 3 A c cessories C at al o g $1 .00 P ,,, .. nT,, P ,.

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