Cycle News - Archive Issues - 1990's

h' to be the winner, standing erect, wreathed in garlands, drenched in cheap champagne and garnished with lipstick, effusively thanking every breathing soul from his mechanic to his team to his tire sponsor to his colonic irrigationist to his yoga instructor to his pygmy acupuncturist to his shiatsu masseuse to his aromatherapist to the guy who disinfects his tongue stud to his tattoo artiste to his shaman to Jesus. The rest of the field, they just bitch. And they usually have legitimate reasons to bitch. The nature of their complaints is diverse, yet certain catchall phrases seem eternal. The most infamous of these [ attribute to Jeff Ward, the Indy Racing League star who, in a former life, was a seven-time motocross champion. I think it was Ward who, when asked about a particularly bad night, responded, "[ cased it on the triples. My ankles went numb." I hate when that happens. Numb ankles have Iteen replaced by forearm pump, both in motocross and road racing. The most common complaint in motocross these days' is Jeremy McGrath. For the most common complaints in road racing, read on.... Vance & Hines' Ducati's Anthony Gobert complains that, as a consequence of communing with Ganja Bob and firing up a spliff the size of a bratwurst - which ultimately led to a failed drug test and a threerace suspension last year - he has to pay $500. to have his urine tested before every superbike race. Eponymous team owner Terry Vance thinks that's fair, but complains that, in order to assiduously ensure truthfulness and prevent contamination, he has to hold the specimen container in his bare hands. And what does Gobert's teammate Ben Bostrom complain about? He complains that they keep using his water bottle without telling him. "Dude, check out the side of the bottle. It says 'Ben: not 'Squirt here: dude." Among the other whiners on the V&H team is newest recruit Gary Medley, w.ho complains that he had to spend nearly the entire winter scrubbing the team's transporter clean of former rider Thomas Stevens' mousse resid ue. V&H crew chief Jim Leonard complains that he's had to wear the same hat for the past three years since Vance won't give him a new one. Vance counters vehemently that this isn't true. He says he gave Leonard a new hat this year, but hoping to ease the misery of a cross-country trip, Leonard traded it for an upgrade on the Greyhound Vance sent him to Daytona on. They're not the only Ducatisti complaining. Eraldo Ferracci's riders complain that they can't understand a damn thing the old guy with the white hair's saying. What else does FBF's Larry Pegram complain about? That his very newest co- Q ed honey pumpkin sugar muffin is reserving her most amorous delectations until after he's proved himself by winning a race, and that those unfeeling bastards at the AMA won't let him race his Ducati 996 in the Pro Blunder class. "Don't they know a man has needs? How long do they expect me to go on like this?" What does his FBF teammate Matt Wait complain about? Where to start? In 1997, young Matthew complained his bikes were no damn good - and he was right, they weren't, not after he crashed the crap out of them about 30 times into every immovable barrier, air bag, gravel trap and shrub he could lock his anti-gravity force onto. In 1998, he complained that he didn't have telemetry on his FCC Technical Sports Honda NSR-5OOV. Good thing, too. According to Doma's records, he tied with Juan Bautista Borja for most crashes in the 500cc class. And he also complained about his negative mention in a Kenny Roberts Jr. interview [ wrote for Cycle News, saying, in so many words, that he and Roberts Jr. were friends and that certain writers had an agenda. And where did he make this complaint? In a column he writes for a road racing monthly which everyone in the English-speaking world considers to be the ultimate paragon, the ne plus ultra of virtue, verity, rectitude, decency, honesty, morality, and all that is right and good in the kingdom of Satan. Harley-Davidson's Pascal Picotte complained in preseason testing that all his bike really needed - [ mean if you get right down to it, if you strip it to its barest bones, it's most simplest terms, the two things the Harley V.R1000 truly needed, and there really are only two things - let's face it, there could have been many, many more the only two things the bike absolutely had to have were a new engine and a new frame. That's it. Nothing more. Is that so much to ask? Of course, he said that before floggin); the peppy orange-and-black beast to fourth at Phoenix and showing all but three of his fellow factory stars what the ass end of a Harley looks like - well, if they could see it through the blue haze. What does his teammate Scott "Mr. Daytona's Halifax Medical Center" Russell complain about? For one, he complains that Florida should move their last call up a few hours so he can get in bed before Willard Seott starts wishing "happy birthday" to all the security guards at the . Speedway and the guy who did the origi. nal design for the bike he was supposed to race before some lout turned his mug into something that looked like it was done by a pissed-off Picasso on acid. And he complains that a guy with as much talent as he has hasn't been able to showcase it fot4the first two races of the season, but he will. The unforgotten third member of the Harley wrecking crew, what does he com- plain about? Thomas Wilson complains he's under contract, but the only thing he's riding is the bench (as they say in baseball) or the Harley push-bike (as they say in England), though that should change once he gets a chance to test. Some riders have more legitimate complaints. What does American Honda's Miguel DuHamel complain about? That in the Daytona 600cc Supersport race, he was momentarily blinded by the price tag that came off the leathers of the guy he was lapping for the fourth time who'd ridden his bike in from the Wal-Mart - where he was unsuccessfully shopping for a clue - and was sure to crash it, leaving an oil spill the size of the Exxon Valdez. That, and those insensitive bastards in the winner's circle at Daytona who made him climb up and down, up and down the podium on his bum leg, just to please those mercenary photographers who kept screaming, "Just one more, Miguel, just one more, man cheri." "Don't tlley know I'm crippled? It was all I could do to win those two races, guys." His teammate Eric Bostrom complains that he wishes his ankle would heal so that he could go out and win the Superbike. Championship like I said he would. The Yamaha riders - what are their beefs? They're not allowed to complain. Says so right in their contracts. All is wonderful in the land of the three tuning forks, couldn't be better. Says so right in the contract. Last year, Rich Oliver suggested there might be a small problem - not the problem of tipping over every time he rode the bike, something he fixed 'midway into the season. No, it was a different kind of problem that he mentioned to the press, and he heard about it - taken behind the team transporter and whipped to within an inch of his life with an unused YZF750 hop-up manual. Actually, that's not ntirely true: Chapter 7 - "Replacing Bodywork" - was slightly dogeared. His teammate Jamie Hacking complains that espn2 should have muted the microphones on the TV cameras during the Daytona pit stop when he rightfully asked, "What the f?#$ is going on here?" or words to that effect. The Yoshimura Suzuki boys have complained for some time about a lack of top speed, something that should be put to rest after their second, fourth, sixth, and cartwheel-through-the-dogleg finishes at Daytona. When he heard that his team would have more riders than the Tour de France, Yosh's Mat Mladin complained that they were spreading their resources thinner than a Vegemite sandwich. What do his teammates Jason Pridmore, Steve Crevier and Steve Rapp complain about? Scratch golfer Pridmore complains that whenever he asks Mladin for advice on suspension or gearing, Mladin reminds him about his recent hole in one, which hole it was, the club he used, how far he took his backswing, the distance to the pin, the number of bounces the ball took, the depth of the hole, the number of dimples on the ball, etc. Crevier complains that, once last year's 600cc Super Sport title was within reach, Suzuki commanded him to concentrate on scoring points and ride like a girl, when what he really wanted to do was ride like a woman. Steve Rapp has a legitimate complaint. He complains that the walls at Phoenix International Raceway are too close, and he's right, and he's lucky he walked away from his crash to make the complaint. The Muzzy Kawasaki team has a right to complain about a lack of top speed after their showing at Daytona. The bigger concern was that the team hasn't kept up with the progress the other teams have made. Aaron Yates is dreading the Northern California races, where he'll be referred to by "Big Bill" Spencer as "Double-A-ron Yates:' and he wonders why "Big Bill" doesn't refer to his fellow Georgian as "Seo-Double-T Ru-Double-5-e-Double-L." Muzzy's Doug Chandler has bigger prob·lerns. Where to park the new motorhome? "Does it go where the Impala police pursuit car is, or do I have to move the new Jeep? What about that old thing with tlle flames on the sides? And how do I get rid of tobaccojuice stains? My wife was asking." Lest you think that riders are the only ones at a race track with gripes.... AMA tech inspector Rob King complains that he doesn't have Carry Andrew to kick around anymore. Dunlop's Jim Allen complains about having to listen over and over to the joke about his new bosses: What's the difference between a tire and 365 rubbers? One's a Goodyear, the other's a very good year. What's the Michelin guy complain about? The Michelin guy doesn't come to the races anymore. Something abou1 a memo about dicey tires in the rain. How about globe-trotting exotic-bike tester Alan Cathcart? Is there anything at all wrong with either the latest one-off factory missile or the newest world-exclusive proddie bike he's testing? No, apparently. Webmeister and American Roadracing editor Dean Adams - what does he complain about? That he spends so much of his time answering angry e-malls from unpaid contributors that he can't report what allegedly happened at the races. And me, I'm complaining that I have to share hotel rooms with the editor of Cycle News, a guy who moans himself to sleep and keeps me awake all night. The rule I try to live by is; if I'm sharing a room with someone who's moaning, it better not be an Australian dwarf. _ Looking Back '- 30 YEARS AGO.., APRIL 29, 1969 20 YEARS AGO... APRIL 25,1979 10 YEARS AGO... APRIL 19, 1989 e followed the plight of the American MX team of John DeSoto (Mon) and Ron Nelson (Mon) as they made their GP debut in Jonzac, France. Both were predicted to be threats for an overall win by season's end... The San Jose Half Mile was "one to remember," according to our report. Gene Romero (Tri) won the main event. .. Sears Point International Raceway was given the thumbs-up by the group of national-caliber riders who evaluated the venue prior to the scheduled 125-mile road race National to be held there la ter in the year... Our "Meet the rider" section featured a 17-year-old Modesto, California, youngster who raced motorcycles and wrestled for his alma mater, Modesto High School. He went on to become a three-time World Champion. Any guesses? enny Roberts was back testing his factory Yamaha 500s at Sears Point and looking forward to the first round of the '79 GP season despite still recovering from the broken back that he suffered while testing in Japan... Mike Kidd (H-D) scored his first big win for the U.S. Army· at the' Sacramento Mile ... Only 130 riders finished the Tecate 500 enduro in Mexico, and the winner was stilI in doubt. Either A.Co Bakken or Ron Bishop would likely be credited with the victory later... CZ took out a big ad on page 15, proclaiming its 125cc MXer as "the choice of champions." Uh, we don't think so... We also interviewed Team Maico's wild-riding sensation, Danny "Magoo" Chandler. ayne Gardner (Hon) dominated the first GP ever to be held in his horne country of Australia. Wayne Rainey (Yam) was second and Christian Sarron (Yam) was third... Scott Parker (H-D) ran away with the win at the Sacramento Mile. Chris Carr (H-D) was second, and Terry Poovey (Hon) was third... Dan Smith (KIM) recovered from a broken collarbone and won ~ first National H&H of the year in Murphy, [dallo... Scott Summers (Hon) won the AMA National Hare Scramble at Loretta Lynn's Dude Ranch in Tennessee... Dirk Geukens (Hon) surprised everyone by capturing the win in the Dutch 500cc MX GP... Kris Kiser (Rtx) conquered the AMA 600cc National dirt track round held at Dixie Speedway in Woodstock, Georgia. CII W K W .... 67

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