Cycle News - Archive Issues - 1990's

'C IC N R .' H A E Y" < .' itchhiking on the information superhighway "Chicanery" found a notice from a racing team in ~ offering equipment for the 125ccGP exhibition class to be held at national ' road ra ce eve nts . Somewhat curious, we gave our ch eap correspondent, Hen ry-Roy Adams, a one-way ticket on a Greyhound bus to find Slick Nood leman, the titular head of Needlessly Irritating Two-Wheelers In Tarmac (NITWIT) a racing-only organization that promotes, yet doesn 't sanction, a series of ir re gul ar ra ces . Adams caught up with Noodleman at his Jell-0 farm in Larry's River, Nova Scotia. "Why the new Nl1WIT races?" "NITWIT firml y believes that racing should be built from the ground up. That 's why we're promoting the Junior Educational Racing Championship aERO." . . "So the class winner will be... "The NITWIT JERc." "I'm sure it will make h is famil y proud. What age group will be allowed to race?" "We don't want this class to be agespecific.If they can operate a motorcycle, they can race." "Toddlers, tykes, teens ? Anyone can race?" "Well, not anyone. They'll need a m otorc ycle, a set of leathers, an approved helmet, and a $600entry fee." "Wow ! Six hundred bucks. Don't you think that will limit the size of the field?" "We won't be racing in a field." "So you' ll have two-year olds racing an d saying things like 'I just wanted to ride my own race: " "They' re mistaken. They'll be rid ing in my races." "Isn't two years old a little young?" "Well, not to a one-year-old:' "Why don't you just have fetus racing?" "Who leaked that to you?" "You're kidding of course:' "We see it as an enormous opportunity to bring th e whol e family to th e races." he op enin g round of the Grand National ham pio nshi p at he Houston A stroorne and the Elsiore Grand Pri x ere featu red on e cover of Issue 6 in 1969...Th e shor t track ound of the Houston Astrodome event as won by Ronnie RaIl and his Bulta0; secon d place went to Bart Markel ith Gene Romero finishing third. The' econd nigh t of ra cing action in the strodom e saw Sk i p Van Leeu w en . g the IT on his Triumph, ahead f Mark Brelsford and Dusty Coppage. e Amateur portions of the tw in- bill ationals were won by David Aldana nd Keith M a shburn, respectivel y . ur-time World Speedway Champion arry Briggs finished last in his dirt "Mother and fetus?" "We prefer to think of them, not as fetuses, but as 'incom plete entries'." "Have you decided on a name for this class? " " We're going to call it ' Ma te rnity Moto Mamas: " "And yo u don' t th ink p eop le will find that politically incorrect?" "It beat out 'Fat Biker Chicks':' "What sor t of machinery will they be racing?" "They won't be racing mach inery, they'll be racing motorcycles:' "What displacement?" "Displacement measurement of volume. Why we talk like this?" "Wh at ty pe of motorcycles will the women be competing aboard? " "That's still being discus sed . It will either be 1990 Honda Pacific Coasts or 1987Husky 1255:' "When are you going to decide?" "Whenever my cousin Filbert figures out which he's got more of in the bam: ' "Filbert. Filbert's a nut, right?" "We like to think of him as two links short of a chain:' "I see . What about having pregn ant ladies competing on race bikes? Aren't you worried abou t their safety?" "Not as long as the women do n 't crash'em too much: ' "N o, I mean the w omen. " "We're allowing gas tanks to be modified to be more accommodating, we' ve looked into footpe g hei ght, an d we're not going to have the races too early in the day: ' "What difference does it make when they race?" "Mornin g sickness." . "Of course." "Aren' t you worried about cheating?" "You mean, am I wo rri ed th at th e other riders will hit on them? "No, I mean is there a mechanism in place to verify that these women are, in fact, pregnant?" "We ordered the mechanism, but it has to be sterilized first." "Will you have a licensed obstetrician operating it?" track ra cing d ebut at the Astrodo me...Gunnar Lindstrom was the overall winner of the Elsinore Gran d Prix in so uthern California ...The Want Ads section featured a. 1 964 G o l d s t a r scrambler, n e w engine, new tires, fast , with sp ares $475... 15 Y SAGO EAR F ebruary 2 , 1979~. 1 am aha fa ctory teamm at es Bo b H a n n ah and Mike Bell split wins in the two nights of racing in the th ird and fourth rounds of the AMA/ Toy o ta Supercross Series in the Seattle Kingdome. H ann ah topped Tom my Croft an d Marty S m ith w it h Bell beating Danny LaPorte an d Warren Reid...The Y ByHenny Ray Abrams "We were going to, then he lost his license. Something about three DUI's in "Eliminate is too str on g a a week." word." "So who will your new inspector be?" "We were th inking of Bea vis and Butthead." "You realize, of course, they're completely made-up :' "No, I didn't, but if it makes them look better on TV we ' here at NITWIT understand:' "Do you have any ot her new wri nkles this season?" "No, but you should see my fifth wife. The winter here in Larrys Rive r wasn't kind to her." . "I mean, is there anything new we'll see at the races:' "Well, in order to pu t some excitement in this year's Altoona 300.... "Excuse me, Altoona is going to be 300 miles?" "No, of course not. 300 laps. We've extended it slightly to give the fans more racing, but tire changes will be mandatory and at each gas stop the rider has to eat a chicken burrito:' "Why a chicken burrito?" "Cheaper than beef: ' "Don't you think making tire chang es . m anda to ry w ill favor the betterequipped teams?" "How so?" "Well, for instance, they're the only ones that woul d have enough wheels to mount spare tires on:' "We're not allowing spare wheels:' "Let me get this straigh t. The riders have to use th e sa me wheel s for the "If they' re not allowed to gas the bike up or change the tires, wha t can they do?" "Make the burri tos: ' "The pit stop goes like this: The rider comes in, fills his own gas tank, takes his own wheels off, pries his own tires off, mounts and balances his new tires, puts them back on his bike, and re-joins the race. Is that about right?" "You forgot one important detail: Tire inflation," "Don' t tell me. They can't use a compressor or bicycle pump , they have to blow them up likej balloon." "You think that'll work? Let me write that do wn . How do you spell balloon?" "Have you consi de red the danger of so man y rid ers mo un t ing tire s badly? Is n' t th er e a sa fety aspect involved ?" "Not with us. As I was saying, this year's Altoona 300 is going be 'chicaneoptional':' "Meaning wha t?" "Meanin g that the riders have th e option of sk ippin g th e ch icane eight times during the race:' "Don't you think they have enough to w orry about - tires, gas, traffic, fatigue, debris, bu rritos, sea gulls, ph otographers with roo T-shirts - that they shouldn't have to worry about counting to eight?" . "As a cond ition of the ir credential, photographers will have to wea r sand wich boards:' "Advertising what?" "Husky 125s for next to nothing:' "Aren' t you worried that the speed differential between the riders skipping the chicane and those entering the banking will be about 90 mph?" "No, we were worried it would be 75 m ph - 90 mph is more than we could have hoped for. From your lips to God's tailwind. Who does your math ?" "Einstein," "You think hell come to work for us? I can get him a good deal on a Pacific Coast: ' C\' 'entire race." . "Correct." "The only way they could do that is if. they changed the tires on the rim at each gas stop." "Correct," "Let me get this stra ight. The rider pulls in, he gasses up , the wheels come off, the tires com e off, ne w ones are pried on, and his crew sends him off?'~ "Wha t crew? "His pit crew: ' "Wha t pit crew?" "You've eliminated pit crews?" SCORE Parke r 400 was w o n by the team of Scot H a rd en an d Bren t Walli n gs ford on a Husqvarna ...ln round six of the CMC Golden State MX Series, the class wins we n t to Danny Cha ndler, and Broc Glover. Cha ndler won both the 250 and 500cc Pro classes while Glo ver's win came in the . 125cc class ...Yamaha team manager . Ke n Clark was fea tured in a fourpa ge interview ...Rich Am aiz won the 250cc Expert cla ss d u ring ro u g h scrambles racing action in Oakdale, California. Fred Merkel won the 125cc Junio r class at the same even t with Chris Carr taking the 80cc Expe rt race win ... . 5YEARS AGO February 15, 1989... . ick Johnson wo n both sup ercross races during the Seattle Kingdome doubleheader in Washington. Johnson beat Ron Ti chen o r an d Ron Lech ien on Saturday night and then R came back to beat Johnny O ' M ara and Guy Coop er on Sunda y afternoon . Jeff M atiase v ic h won th e 125cc events on both days . .. T h e '....... ,. National Cham!.••.._.••~.~ ~_ --... pionship Hare .. Scramb les Series got un derway in Hollister, California , with Larry Roeseler ta kin g the w in o ver ' Ro n Naylor...Roeseler also won the Parker 400 on the same weekend , teaming with Danny LaPorte ...Jimmy Button won the 125cc In termed iate class at the CMC Gold en State Na tion al Am ateur MX Series in Carlsbad, California. The 80cc Expert class wa s w on by Budd y An tu nez over Tommy Clowers, Jeff Albrech t, Jeff Dement an d Damo n H uffrnan ... C\'

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