Cycle News - Archive Issues - 1970's

THE ENERGY CRISIS AND YOU! Martians invade Earth! Collab orat ion between Prez Nixon and Shiek of Arab y! BEST KEEP YOUR CYCLE SAFE AND SOUND! MOTOMONTHLY ! Tells you how in 3 easy steps ! By Ronald Swart ley My war with t he Cycle Sn atcher began th e d ay a fter he too k my Honda 70 . Since then I have owned, fo r vari ou s lengths of tim e, a Honda 305, a Yam aha 305, a Su zuki 350 , a Triumph 650, a Harley Spo rts ter, and a BMW R69S. On the second Honda he stole the to ol kit. On the Yamaha he took both mirrors. On the Suzuki it was only a co up le of bungee co rds I had t ied on th e luggage ra ck, b ut on the Triumph it was the whole tailor-made luggage rac k, p lus tr avel trunk. On the Sportster it w as j ust my spare pa rt s (spark p lugs, cha in oil, m aster link , a nd a set of points), but o n the BMW it Was the whole saddle, both saddle ba gs, and assorte d hardwa re. And b ar el y two month s lat er - ki ss th e wh ol e BMW g o o d b y e . He too k t he wh ol e th ing o ne d ark ni gh t. No w , I'm a n easy-go ing so rt of fellow. I'll go o u t of my w ay t o avoid troubl e - a nd have. But th is! Th is is different. H ow ca n a fellow go o ut of his way to avo id the Cycle Sna tc he r ? He co uld give up b ikes, yo u say ? To th at I reply, hell no! A lin e must be d rawn , and a stand ta ke n. If Cycle Sn at cher declares wa r and he has - the gauntlet m us t be taken up; a terrib le , fie rce ex pression of resista nce m us t be brought to t he visor-protected fa ce; an d the racin g stripes must be p ro tec ted at all co st s, I now ow n a brand new . fu ll dress Electra Glide. I am d et erm in ed that not o nly is t he bike itse lf going to stay in m y p os session , but a lso every opt io na l ext ra, every spare p art, eve r y t u ne-u p tool, and eve ry n ut a nd bolt, is g oin g to remain in vio late and in tact where it belongs o n th at m o t orcycl e. T he Cycle Snatcher will fail in his attempt to sna tc h , or o t herwise defile th is beloved " Hog" of mine - in whole or in part. Ac cordingly, I have instituted , or am ab o u t to institute, cer t ain security measu re s. To begin with . I naturally have insu ra nce co verage, But to leave it to an in su rance com pany is to a d m it I can ' t handl e th e p robl em m y sel f. Th at ' s han d ing p rotect ion over t o a third , disi nterest ed p art y . A nd anyway, th a t isn' t a kind of pro te c t ion d e signed t o return fa m iliar , dependab le, ch eri shed prop er ty. No t at all. It m e rel y a rr a nges to rep /ace it wit h un tri ed, u ntes ted , u nfamilia r, "new " p ro p er ty - an d at less than rep lacem en t financi ng. T ha t isn 't totally accept ab le! So, as I said, I ha ve in stituted some new security m ea su re s. The first thi ng I did was go o u t and get a b igger ca se-ha rde ne d lock to lo ck t he fron t forks with. T hey're go n na have to u se a n ace tyle ne to rch to ge t thro ug h it no w , a nd that ta kes time, maybe ti m e e no ug h to catc h ' em in th e act. The o n ly o ther w ay for the m to d o it no w is t o ha ve five or six o f th e m iserabl e pira tes grab ho ld an d carry the wh ole m ot o rcy cle o ff. I t would lo ok p re tty. obvious, seei ng a five m an squad lugging 70 0 pou nd s o f fo rk -lock ed m o tor cy cl e dow n t he stre et. T he second thing I did was inv est in a big c ha in to run through th e fro n t and rear wh e els. So, even if t hcy did ge t th rough th e fork -lo ck, t hey'd still have to c u t t hr o ug h that fo rty pound case -h a rd e n ed cha in . O f co urse il m ea nt I ha d to beef up o nc of the sad d le bags ( the left o nc ) ju s t so it wo ul d ho ld all tha t d ead weig ht wh en I to ok it along, h ut sac ri fices had 10 b e m ad e. The n ext th ing I d id was in ve st a dd itio nal m on e y in a b u rg lar a larm w it h a rad io t ran sm itt e r. I've go t the p o wer bee fed u p now so 'th a t e ven if I' m a mile aw ay. a nd ins ide a t hca te r . I' m still 1(0 in E 10 kn ow if somebody even leans on -tha t cycle. And never mind if the screech ing of the pocket receiver thr ow s the wh ol e th eater into a panic; th ey'll get used to that. What's important is that I get warned. Well , originally that was about al l th e further I w as goi ng to go on this bike sec urit y business . Ther e's such a thing as ge tting too ca rr ied away yo u know. But, un fort un at ely , m y plans had to b e cha nged. The Cycl e Snatcher got m y best buddy 's one day, a nd it was right then that I started work o n Phase Two. Pha se Two invo lved a whole new ro und of pro tec t ion plan ni ng a nd exec u tion. I began locking and ch aining the cycle in my own garage at n ight, even though the garage itself was bolted and locked tight. T he n, I had the m o t o rcy cle co m ple tely cam o ufl aged . They ca n ' t steal it if th ey ca n 't see it. Where I'm livin g there's quite a bit of greenery and vegetation growing on an underlyi ng base of reddish-brown di rt. So I had the cy cle repainted in a mottled pattern of green and reddish-brown , just like tanks and jeeps in a war zone. Sure, it do esn 't do much for t he looks, b ut thi s is war, a nd sacrifices have to be m ad e. A nother Token Obscu re Local Compet it ion Event of the Month The d ouin hills II/ Poco l.o co R aceway did in more t han one of the int ernational lind do wn hom e folk s racers during the dvna mit c, action -packed, heavy duty 13 /h ru nning of /1lL' Carrera de L os T o ni os in Tegu cigalpa, N icaragua . Hordes of visit ors and loca l Tl'g u(r,:lIlp i/cs jeered dersiucl y as rider aft er rider lost cont rol arid plowed deep f urrows in tlu: volcanic ash w ith th eir heads. Of COUTS I', IIV on l' was serio usly killed. disadvantage resulting from th is action is that the co m m o n every d ay motorist has more trouble seeing me oat in traffic. I've been al most run into several t imes already , But sacrifices have to b e made in war time. After th at I rewired the entire electrical system. Fo r one thing, even if t hey did so mehow get aw ay with the bike, t hey 'd play hell finding o ut how to get the thing started with the hidden switches I installed. For a second thing , they 'd have a hard ti me even getting thei r han d s on the bike because I had t he whole b ik e ele ctrified, wi th m e the o n ly o ne k nowing h ow t o turn it off. " Whoee , Man! Surprise, surp rise, yo u miserable , co n niving bandi ts. How d'ya like that little piece of action?" T he n I really started . I bought this special cycle cover, see , to carry alo ng with m e wherever I go . It not only hel ps sto p s the petty pilferer of re ar view m irro rs, but it a lso has on it a n invisible coa t ing of indelible d ye, which rubs off when yo u touch it. Stays on for mon ths. Just st ick th em hands under an ul tr a-viol e t lamp, and p rima -fa ci e e vid ence, m an. Well, I figured th at w as eno ugh to di scourage even th e most determined Cycle Snatcher. Th ere w as no wa y anybody wa s going to ge t their ha nds on th a t b ike . No way ! And I real ly had a lot o f co n fide nc e in th at belief un til last week. One night last week so me parties unknown bro ke in to the lo cal Ka wa sa ki d eale r's sho p an d sna tched the e n ti re ship me n t o f Kaw asa kis he'd go tte n in th a t da y. Tha t d ealer h ad his shop locked u p and barred up so tight that it was a lm ost . as im p re gna b le a s Fort Knox. That ' s wh y I d ecided o n Phase T h ree . ~Iy Phase Three thinking go es like this. I'm gonna ge t a big, heavy, six -foo t bar wi th a screwed -end to sink in th e gro u nd whenever I go cross co u n t ry. I'll cha in the cycle to it at nigh t. Of course t hat m ean s I'll have to buy a motorcycle tra ile r too, to carry the b ar (stuck o ut t he rea r end of the tr ailer w ith a red flag on it if necessary). I' d also have to ca rry a sledge hammer in the tr ailer. I'd need the sledge hammer to get th e bar st ar ted into the gro und. I'd also probably need a shovel. T he sh ovel wou ldn't be used to help get the bar into the ground though, as you m ight thi nk. No, th e shovel would be used to shov el the d o g manure out of the trailer. You see , I al so have plans to buy a Doberman pinscher watch dog t o carry in th e tra iler and stan d gu ard o ve r th e cycle d ay and n ight. Now, for the t ime b eing, tha t 's the extent o f m y n ew sec uri ty m easures. But I have in m ind ce rtai n Ph ase Four p lans, should th ey b ecom e necessa ry . I alr eady have to pay ab out a d ollar a m ile for m y m o t or cy cling, and th at 's co ns idera b ly m ore th an I had in mind. But regardless, if it be comes necessary, this is wh at I' m pr epar ed to do. One th ing I co uld d o is star t ridin g o nly a t night. It ' s tha t old prin ciple again, "If the y d on't kn ow it's th er e th e y can' t make plans to ' t a ke it," T hey'd have m ore tro ubl e knowin g it wa s there, in th e dark. An extreme m ea sur e m ight be 't o grind off all the screw he ads, and ro und off all th e b olt heads, so as t o make it m o re difficu lt to remove anything from th e bike. But of co urse I'd run into tha t sam e probl em m yse lf wh en I wanted to rep air or replace so met hi ng . A fin al ex tre me m easure I migh t have to tak e is to get hold o f a side -ca r. Se e, if I had a side-car it w ould b e much ea sier to haul a n armed g ua r d a ro u nd . For sure no a rmed guard is going t o wan t to si t d oub le o n a m otorcy cle. esp ecially if he 's got to ride d own the road wi th a sho tgu n cradl ed in his arms . . . . 4 ..

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