Cycle News is a weekly magazine that covers all aspects of motorcycling including Supercross, Motocross and MotoGP as well as new motorcycles
Issue link: https://magazine.cyclenews.com/i/125819
N M 1 ... ... M M > :; .., NE PRODUCTS ~ w Z ... w U > U Moreoj'the bizarre and unusual jrom the wild, kinky world of motorcycles PREEVERTS • Motorcyclists are perverted. Well, at least they're a little different than other people (who are a little different than everyone else). Their values and interests in life are somewhat different than found in the mainstream of American life, as typified by, oh say, Ralphie Nader. (What's it all about, Ralphle?) If they were like everyone else they'd drive cars to work. Or go to the beach on weekends. Or spend all their time worrying about the fu ture instead of their spark plug. Anyway, as a group they're deviants. Of· coune, within each group of deviants, there are deviants from the straight an<;l narrow within that group. Like Evel Knievel. He isn't like you and me. He isn't J1ke one of our editors, The Claw. One of the group of deviants from the motorcycle norm are the mechanics. They get involved in bikes but become addicted to the wrenching end of the spon. They rarely buy new bikes. They tend to prefer junkers or bizarre, off-beat bikes like Bartalis, Velocette's or Honda Dreams. This way they can spend all their time working on their machines. Some of these gu ys don't wan t to be associated with machinery that everyone considers to be junk, so they get jobs as racing mechanics. (The Claw is one such character. He got hooked up with the editor to tune the editor's racers. Only that didn't work either, beca\lse the editor turns his racers in to junk every weekend.) You get the idea. Within the mechanical deviation there is one further sub-deviation: the Tool Freak. This aberration surpasses a general interest in working on motorcycles_ It is even more specific. This perversion centers purely on tools, usually not using them, just owning and handling them. A few of the less serious cases will actually continue to work on motorcycles. Some try to make their behavior appear normal by owning and maintaining their own motorcycle. But Richard von Krafft-Ebing has recognized the problem and knows that these nuts can be dangerous. If you see these people, give them a wide berth! Recently, one method of recognizing them has come to our attention. It is this safety wiring tool distnbuted by Aragon Distributing, Dept. Bean, 323 West Maple, Monrovia, Calif. 94016. This tool attracts these characters because it cuts, grips, and twists the stainless steel safety wire that these poor sick people inevitably use. (Lord knows what they perceive the wire to be.) If you see someone possessing one of these things, flee. • spend $800. It measures cylinder head air flow in any size engine from a 50cc to a 600 cm auty-mobile. Send $800 (no stamps) to Superllow; Dept. Suck, Box 3033, Tulsa, Oklaboma 74101. (C) LET IT DRAG There might be a cheaper way to tune. Say only one percent as much. This accelerometer measures acceleration (or deceleration) to (they say) twelve thousandths of one G. Gee! Sticks on yO!ll' gas tank ~ith a big ole suction cup. You could also use it to tell what gearing you're running without counting the teeth. lnterested drag racers, etc. mould write General Axial Engine Co., Dept. Cheap, 38 Franklin Ave., Lockport, N.Y. 14094. $7.95. (D) LET IT SEIZE After you get your bike real fast and it seizes, you can find out which cylinder did it with this gizmo. The fiberscope is a steel sheathed fiber bundle that transmits an image from one end and light from the other. What that means is that you can see inside dark places like your cylinder, your sister's ear, or your father's drawers. Like this Harley (Ducati?) that 'the man is looking at. Just stick it in the spark plug hole. Think of all the fun that you can have for only $295. Info from American Optical, Fiber Optics division, Dept. Drawers, Southbridge, Massachewsets. (B) THE BLUE DANUBE Like. spraying things on your bike? Try this. This stuff was developed for airplanes - to keep ice from forming. So at last you have something to keep ice from forming on your desert bike. Ice not a problem? Well, it will also keep mud from sticking to dirt bikes. Just hose it off, they say. Write the Vortex Co., Dept. MUD, 770 Welch Rd., Suite 154, Palo Alto, Calif. 94304. If you don't like spraying things on your bike, you could use it on your girlfriend. (E) Welcome to the spaced-out age! "2001" is the catchy title of a new snake oil. It is non-toxic and contains no hydrocarbons (nasty things!), so the EPA won't mind it. It removes-rust, scales (see we told you it was a snake dill. and barnacles. Lord knows- what you'd be doing with barnacles on your motorcycle, but it'll get them off. It is said to "effectively loosen frozen bearings", bu t the editor has a bearing on his crankshaft that we'll bet no One is going to loosen with oil. 2001 is also claimed to be good for chains, cu tting, drilling, boring (boy. is it), cooling, and keeping your chain or cable dirt free. Maybe it will even stop a freaked out computer that's trying to kill you. If you are in terested in oiling your snake, write GFS Sales Co., Dept. Hsssss, Box 4224, Houston, Texas (good place to ski) 77042. (F) LET IT FLOW LUBE YER NOSE Hot diggity! A chance to put Jerry Branch to shame_ Your very oWn flow bench, completely equipped. Just plug it into the wall and - poof - instant horsepower. Or something J1ke that. If you have ever wan ted to do flow testing, it migh t be the way to While you're oiling your snake, you might want to oil your air filter in which case you might choose to use K&N's Air Filter Oil. It is particularly suited to the K&N cloth type filter _for some reason. Info: K&N Engineering, Box 1329, Rivenide, Ca. 92501. (G) KEEP IT CLEAN •