Cycle News is a weekly magazine that covers all aspects of motorcycling including Supercross, Motocross and MotoGP as well as new motorcycles
Issue link: https://magazine.cyclenews.com/i/125720
N f ": .. ---~ ************ NOTICE PSYCHO NUDES reserves the write two incert typeografical errors in al storys !**mi*OU;:rs.* * ** * ... ! WHAT'S HAPPENING??? z w YESTERDAY INDOOR HARE & BlM limed in > BlM Club House, HOUND by Cal. Anytime Rivenide, U ...J U start, upstai... 3674 17·room loops. Knobs ok, silencers or we'll kill you. Info: 969/696-9696 after hours. WET MOTOCROSS, limed 15 miles west of Monica Pier. MOON ENDURO by Apollo 16, limed from Crater Camp. One 5-mile loop, finisher pins. Aerospace Cycle.. Assn. sanet., Dist. 13 pIS. Bring your own atT. Virgin territory. Info: Houston Control. DAY AFTER TOMORROW TODAY Santa TOMORROW LeMans start. Waterproofing advised. Banner sinks at 10 a.m, riders meet at 10:15, practice at 8:30 p.m., race at your own risk. Info: call them. lONG HA IR SC RAMB lES by the Beethoven M.C., limed from Carnegie Hall, Spectators meet at 3:30 a.m at Joe's Pizza V Parlour, women encouraged. Gates close at 8, race at noon. No pit racing while on the course. Special mini-hack race. Nov. trailbikes must go all the way (subject to arrest if they don't). Info: free, ask for Hairry. AModest proposal • • • By Matt Glover • It has all just come to me, right now, I couldn't sleep. Well, anyway, I had to get up to go, So I went, and made a cup of tea, and sat in my rocker daydreaming, at night mind you, looking out the window at the moonlight on the distant mountains. Those blips of cosmic light started coming through, and I got the message. All this malarky about smog emission and noise pollution, Let's handle this smog business first. On an automobile it is a simple matter to eIiminate exhaust smoke and noise. You just attach a garden hose to the exhaust pipe, then run it around the side and into a side window. Crank the window up tigh t to hold the hose in place and presto, the public isn't bothered by smoke and/or noise, and your problems are over. For good! (You better believe it). With a motorcycle it is a bit different. You've seen the ads for these new adjustable main jets. Well, I've converted my machine with one of these, and also removed the air cleaner. If I'm gonna burn smog there is no need to mter it, right? Right. So, I motor out to I·} 7, sit up on top of the mesa waiting for one of those diesel buses, or trucks, to come along. Then I sneak out on the shoulder, and as he goes by I grab a handful and slip into his slipstream. With my left hand I reach down and screw that adjustable jet almost up tight, cut in the snorkel and operate on the exhaust fumes. Aren't I patriotic, burning up his smog emissions? As we come into town off the freeway the smog gets better, Really great. Premium wade, high,octane. Now for the noise elimination. Simple. Have you ever been to a concert by the Civic Philharmonic Orchestra? Harmonics, see, there it is right there. crashing cymbals at the grand fmale. They can't stop, because they repeat it over and over until the maestro collapses off the podium from exhaustion and punctured ear drums, All consumated to a standing ovation, a Typical Psycho Nudes subscriber, Harry Chester, does his daily thing to wrinkle the skin. "Va know, people don't believe me when I tell 'ern I'm only 13-years-old. They tell me right back, 'Va know, I don't think you're 13·year-old.' Its great for getting discounts on tickets •• to see the races, but it's that having • e··.;;~~~~;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; the corner. Those dratted Heaven's Devils, and all the rest, M:..king that noise in the evening quiet. "There ough t to be a law against it." Do you get th~ idea? Well, I hired the flute tooter and the maestro, secretly, of course, to research . this brainstorm emanatinK j~~~~~""."".-:::~ Aprill.t One Day Only '* TheMotorcycles Rolls ROy.ceJ:{ of In our easy to reach showroom follow these simple directions. freeway close. or call. Our operator is standing by. r. (~iflutish \~v1 > from the windmills of my mind. We retired into seclusion at the Cleator Conservatory of Music. Ever hear of Tchaikovsky's Fifth? The three $ .... of us ,i;' .~ started ~with a .j fifth . apiece. •• ~ The I, - Now on Sale to drink coke which is the big hang-up:' OK, Harry. l " has . melody, the COnductor has the beat, man), and I'm no J. Sebastian Bach baby -but I used to pump a mean organ. O.K. Back to the drawing board. We drilled six holes in a line, along the top of the muffler. So, we've got the holes drilled, and the engine idling but now we've got to figure out some way to finger the holes. We weld a chain guide along the holes, sort of a slide, reroute the piping (the holes) under the chain, and drop 'er into gear. As the chain links slide by, opening and closing the holes, we hav~ a conglomeration of musical notes, but not melodious. So we programmed a big wide tape into my old player piano. We came up with a new chain, with adjustable links; and variable toothed sprockets to match, fired 'er up, dropped it in low, let out the clutch and played "Yankee Doodle". Ah, sweet musticl No noise. Now I am drilling hares in both mufflers of my twin, the treble on one side and the bass on the other, to make like stereo. My new invention will soon be available in multiple sets for clubs and groups. For example, a team of BMW's will be able to parade down Main Street in Yuma playing a symphony of "Ach du Lieber Augustine". There is no end to the possibilities. If you ride a Kawasaki Three, go down to your friendly cycle shop and buy three reed valves. No, not for the intake. Put 'em in the exhaust pipes. One for clarinet, and two for oboe and bassoon. Drill the holes, etc. and you've got a combo. Triumph Trident owners (you and the finance company) can put comet and trumpet mu tes in the ends of the megaphones to sweeten the tone. And, just imagine what could be done to a Honda 750 four. Oh hey, a real psychodelic cycle dilly. Music lovers, make reservations * • ••••• Jl VICES Of THI VIST GOSH, THANKS..•? } really enjoy your fine coverage of all those motorcycle races that they go to every weekend. Please keep up the fine work, mainly because I want to subscribe to it, the paper. Your writers are strictly "top drawer" so to speak, and the "fast action" photography is "e..'tciting." So to speak. And even your Hads n and "editorials" are "right" "on." You guys must have a good time racing cycles all the time and getting free oil and all the fun stuff that goes with. all 'in' motorcyclists. What a life, right? heh-heh. I especially like your European News and Crasher Bums. J. PARKHURST Newport Beacb, Calif. Your magazine is "groovy" too, Joe. Especially "Downhill Straight." ... Eddie. t WEEK.END WARRIOR . I am a dirt rider and I am so cool, I ride a loud bike like nobo~y 's Fool. I don't give a damn about nghts of others, To Hell with the property owners, Them Fencin' mutiuls. I go where I want, who needs permission? I don't need to listen to any Land Commission, I am such a good guy and should be taken in stride, , I just can 'I understand why there s no place to ride. By Krash Kalhoun If this poem cannot be used in your paper place it in a brown unmarked bag and drop it at the northeast comer of Artesia and Cherry Ave. on March 22nd between 4:00 and 5:00 p.m. and y,0u will be arrested for littering.) Signed, K.K.K. "BULLSHIRT1" SONNY BARGER Oakland, Cal How come you guys down there keep spelling my name wrong? It's "L·A-R-R·Y". Thank yOIL LARRY FlTfZINRlTfER HUH? The Desert NATIONAL HEARING COUNCIL (Editor's Note: The following letter was published in a local daily newspaper recently. Honest, we didn't make it up!) SOME FAD! Motorcycling is strictly a privilege, not a right; and privileges should be revoked when they are abused. Motorcycles and minibikes can be very easily legislated out of existence. They are entirely too noisy, are not at all compatible with the ecology of any area (including the desert), and are opposed by a great majority of people. The simple act of banning these machines would solve a multitude of problems that they have caused. Now is the time to do it: now while they are still a fad and before they become a permanent part of our world. DAVlDL.MEI Segundo, CaL Yeah, like poL.. Ed.