Cycle News - Archive Issues - 1960's

THE GREEN HAIRNET WHAT A THRILLING SPEaMU! MCU'1OIiICvtu5 FRClH ALL OVER THE WORlD, CO"'~NG IN FRIEMDt..Y Rt"'LRY! I'LL GO INTERVIEW TIff JAPANESE RAONG TEAM flRST'! Although suspected by the police to be a bad guy, the Green Hairnet - is in real life Brick Greed, respected publisher of the Daily Doily. In the company of hi s trusted chauffeur Tako, the Green Hairuet (in reality Brick Greed) ventures forth to thwart the plans of evildoers. We are in the office of Brick Greed (really the Green Hairnet) high in the Daily Doily building where his trusted ally District Attorney Hack Toff tells Brick (really Green) about a tip the police have received. "The tipster said that the Paragons of Purgatory are planning a heist, Btick (really)," the D.A. said. SweaL stood on his brow like beads of perspiration. "This sounds like a job for the Green Haimet," said B.G. or G.B. as the case may be." What are they planning to heist? Brink's? The B of A?" ' "No, they only go for the hig money. They are going to steal the Fascot ';::: ~ HOPES? ~E ORIENTALS DO NOT NEED TO RELY UPON MERE ~! THERE 15 ABSOLUTELY NO WAY WOE CAN BE DEFEATED, &CAUSE OUR SOcc, FOUR - CYLINOCR (Continued on page Purse!Calling his trusted aide Taka and climbing into the sidecar of Blech Beautie, tbeir trusted hack, the Green Greed (really Brick Hairnet) sped to Fascot Speedway to thwart the evil doers. "StoP. what are you doing here?" cried the sec.m.ty guard, "Eeli-, it's the Green Bairnet!" "Get him, Taka!" and the trusted servant did. "That's what I like about you, Taka, you don't use judo or karate. but you sure know how to fight dirty!" "Here come the Paragons of Purgatory, Massa Boss!" said Taka, pointing. "Okay. now I'll put On my 'I'm just one of you crooks' act and fake my way mto theIr confidence." Pressing a concealed button on the side of Blech Beautie. the Green Hairnet's pants fell down. "Oops. Wrong button." Pressing the correct button this time, the limousine sidehack turned into a Sunset Strip Chopper. "Okay you guys, you &lJtta cut me in," said Greed in his best Baimet voice. "Cause I'm just as bad as you are." "Maybe worse," agreed Taka, playing along. Ok).!', said the P.P.'s but first you gotta.prove.you are as raunchy as us by out-dis guStlOg our leader, Big Daddy Rotten. "Okay Big Daddy Rotten, you go first." Whereupon, hearing the challenge. Big Daddy Rotten dispatched an aide to a nearby pig fann to bring back a fat, disgusting sow pig. Then, to the utter disgust of everybody, he proceeded to share a glass of beer with the animal. "Now it's my turn, right?" "You said it, Green Hairnet." "And if I do' somethiot more disgusting than dri'*int beer with a sow pig, I get to biJJl the Fascot purse, tight?" "S!-1re, sure,," the P.P's all agreed. crosslOg thell flOgers secretly. "Okay, PULL, TAKO!" and with that, the Green Hairnet who, as we kilow is really Brick Greed, respected publisher, sPrung a pre-a.rranged trap, capturing all the bad guyS in a giant green hair-net and sold tbem into slavery. ' Tbat was very smot, chief,· said Taka. "How did you ever do it?" "Easy, Tako, You see, you can't fake a biJJl purse out of a BOW' S beer." 8) Beginning A New & Different Contest: SOTERMYCLES, ANYONE? Looking through some back issues of our favorite newspaper recfl ntly, a guy who hangs around our office began reading aloud the names of some of the hybrid machines that are turning up in the Want Ads and elsewhere. "Vi-Nor, Hatton, Triton, Grumph,· he intoned, savoring the "married· names of a Vincent engine in a Norton frame, Honda in Cotton frame, Triumph ill Norton and Triumph in Gteeves frame respectively. "And," we lDJected, "Jim Manning is putting a Honda engine in a Norton frame and calling it a 'Horton'" • -But did you hear about the guy who crossed a Jawa with a Hodaka and got a Hawaya?" someone who was eavesdropping put in. "No, but would you believe putting a Honda in a Triumph frame and calling it a Humph? "Humph'· we chortled. "If you crossed a Hodaka with a Benelli would you have a Ho-Nelly?~ said Chuck Clayton, chuckling. "There was a guy in Mexico that put a Honda in a Lambretta frame and called it a Han 'y 'Lamb!" swore Joe Lopez. Readers are invited to participate in this maddening office game, which we have decided to call "Sotermycles· for lack a better name. All you do is combine parts of different motorcycles and call your creation by a name made up of parts of the -brand or mod el name s. So if you crossed a White with a Moto-Guzzi, would you get a Whoozie? Whatever you decide to call it, write it on the entry blank provided here and send it to Cycle News. Tell the brands or models you combined and the name you would give your own -Sotermycle Special.· For the funniest "Sotermycle" we receive each week, Cycle News will award $5 in coin of the realm. In case of duplicate sotermycles, the earliest postmark will decide who wins. So don't delay. Put on your thinking helmets and get out your Dealer Directory for inspiration. P .S.-Sotermycles invented by Cycle News employees are not eligible to win. TQO bad. Gil Brown had a surefire five buck winner when he put a Harley Sportster in a Montesa frame and called it a "Mon-ster!" -Greez.,· r---------------~--------. 1 "SoterlllJcle Coatest' Box 4!8 Crele News 1 I ADDRESS I BITRIES 1 TO: I cross.d a _ Long Beaell, Cali f. 1 I 1 _ _ ft. Cycl. N fled" Her. Is 111)' Inv.nllon lor 1II. "Soter. mycl. Contest." DNr I (Mda_ I 1 1 _ willi a _ 1 and eol a llllllXOXXXXXXXXXXXI Yours 10 Jest, Nam. - - - - - - - - - - - Addr.ss City 1- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Zip 1 1 1 I I I

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