VOLUME 57 ISSUE 19 MAY 19, 2020 P103
the true values of life. And of
racing.
Then he went and spoiled it all
by signing up for the next one at
not-Misano.
Perhaps I need to question
my disdain. Is play-play-station
grand prix racing really so odi-
ous, or is the smell coming off
me?
You have to ask: what is the
value of racing? Or start at the
other end. What is the value of
virtual racing?
It's to get around a made-up
track with algorithm-controlled
adhesion and so on faster than
anyone else, without hurting
your thumb on the controller.
Real racing is not that differ-
ent: it's to get around a real but
originally made-up track faster
than anyone else. At worst, or
even in essence, it's juvenile
"I-can-pee-further-than-you-can"
stuff. That's at worst.
The difference, and it is of
crucial importance, has to do
with hurting your thumb. Real
racing involves real risk.
Spectacular crashes are com-
mon in not-racing, then you just
stand up and jog over to restart
your miraculously undamaged
bike.
Hmmm.
Perhaps it would be fairer
if qualified medical staff were
standing behind the participants,
ready to administer appropriate
injuries. Bruises and gravel-rash
most of the time, but another
random algorithm could de-
termine when and whether a
hammer blow to the knee, a
scaphoid-crushing wrench to the
wrist and elbow, or a shattered
collarbone might punish a low-
side, while a block-and-tackle
lift-and-drop can go some way
toward simulating a high-side.
Virtual stewards could exam-
ine the sporting legalities and
apply penalties and suspen-
sions, and there'd need to be
some virtual bike damage as
well.
But it's not injuries that add
value to racing. Getting randomly
hurt is a downside, not an intrin-
sic part of the fun.
So, if it's not the danger, then
it must be the athletic skill, light-
ning reflexes that makes racing
worthwhile. It's not that hard to
ride a motorcycle, but it takes
years of practice and special
hand-eye-bottom coordination
to take a very powerful one to its
outer limits.
Okay, but there are skills also
in play-play-station racing. Just
different ones. That doesn't nec-
essarily make them less enviable
or admirable. Just, compared
with real racing, less interesting.
But these are real racing
heroes doing this not-racing.
Should that not be interesting in
itself?
Sorry, but no. They have
earned our respect for riding
motorcycles, and in some cases
for being amusing. But their
main strength is not as person-
alities. Nor electronic thumb-
jockeys.
Back to the technical. Racing
is interesting because motor-
bikes are interesting. There is
also the potential of valuable ad-
vances in the science of internal-
combustion engines.
But if there is one single factor
that turns these virtual GPs into
a distasteful, trivializing and de-
meaning mockery of the sport,
it is to do with courage. That is
what ennobles bike racing. And
the lack of this requirement is
what turns virtual MotoGP into a
mockery. CN
WHEN VIRTUAL
NONSENSE
TAKES A
CONTROLLING
HAND IN THE
REAL WORLD,
SOMETHING
HAS GONE
BADLY
WRONG.
